Workout.

As part of my "Being Home Bucket List" I decided to join the gym today. I've always heard people say that working out helps to relieve stress and just makes them feel better overall, so I did it. I joined Planet Fitness and enjoyed my first workout today.

If any of you have been to a Planet Fitness gym before, you know how nice it is. There are dozens of treadmills and elliptical machines, weight training equipment, ab workout stations, and [my favorite] massage tables and tanning beds. And it's only $20 a month. How can you beat that??

Anyway, working out today really did relieve a lot of stress. I did a 30-minute ab workout, ran on the treadmill for 30-minutes, and then did a 30-minute cool-down circuit. I also got my free massage and spent a little bit of time in the tanning bed, but that doesn't really count towards working out, does it?

Even though it was hard because I haven't worked out in a really long time [shh! don't tell anyone], I got through it and at the end I actually felt really good about myself. I did something to help my body and improve my health. I made progress, which is something I feel like I haven't done in a while. I haven't felt good about myself in a long time and I think this is just what I needed. It made me realize that, even though I'm not in school right now, I can still do something that will better myself and make me the person I want to be. I'm not a failure. I just don't know what I'm doing, and that's okay for now.

I know that working out may not seem like a big deal to a lot of people, but for me, this is huge. It's a stepping stone towards the life that I want. A healthy, positive, and fun life. 

I've realized that I can't just sit around and feel sorry for myself. I need to look to the future and trust that everything will work out. If I do what I need to do, then everything else will fall into place. It may not be easy. In fact, I know the next couple of months are going to be some of the hardest months of my life. But I can and will overcome what ever is thrown my way.

Eventually the tears will stop and the heartache will go away.

I just hope I don't have to wait too long for that day to come.