Plans.

Ever since I can remember, I have always had a plan for everything. I planned out what I wanted to wear. I planned out each day. And, up until about a month ago, I had the outline of my life all laid out in front of me. I knew when I would graduate college. I knew what my career would be. I knew who I wanted to be with. I used to write it all down, like a map -- a map of my life.

I knew.

And now? It's like those plans never even existed. I don't even know what I'm going to be doing next week, let alone the next four years of my life.

If you were to ask me a month ago what I would be doing on August 29th, I would have told you that I would be living in Garden Court Apartments in Logan and going to school at Utah State as a Broadcast Journalism major.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

Instead, I am sitting in a hotel room in South Bend, Indiana on my way back to Pennsylvania to restart my life. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't know where I want to live. I don't know who I want to be with.

Actually, scratch that. I do know what I want. I know what I want to do. I know where I want to live. I know who I want to be with. But are those things the best things for me? I don't know.

So this is my time to figure that out. For once in my life I don't have a plan...yet. I have goals that I have set for myself and I have family and friends who love me enough to stand by me.

I'm terrified. I may sound like I'm being over-dramatic to some, but this really is the scariest thing I've ever had to do. I could have taken the easy way out. I could have just kept on doing what I was doing, never really being truly happy. But I chose to leave it all behind. I chose to say goodbye to people I love -- people who I may never see again.

Now I need to focus on my weaknesses -- being patient, trusting and having faith.

The next few months are not going to be easy. I wish I could fall asleep and wake up when it's all over, but I can't. I have to face what life throws my way.

I have to wait.

I have to listen to the people who care about me and trust them when they say that everything is going to be okay.

I have to have faith that God knows me and has a plan for me.

This is my time to find out who I truly am and what my purpose in this life is.

God, please give me the strength to do so.